Fool, Thy Name Is Karen

Sunday, March 18, 2007
For someone smart enough to graduate from university and have an above average IQ, I am often very stupid. You'd think I would make somewhat intelligent decisions in my life but no, I am far too often ruled by my emotions. Looking back at my track record, it would seem logical that I would have given up following my heart over my head years ago but 'tis not the case. I used to appreciate that I was sensitive, empathetic, and cared more for others than myself. Older, and supposedly wiser, I now just feel like an idiot and there is no one to blame but myself. I am a dreamer which has often resulted in disappointment, heartache, and self doubt. I have been guarded most of my life and rarely let people get close to me because those closest to you are often the ones who end up hurting you the most. First hand experience has left deep scars that rise to the surface only to open once again and create deeper wounds each time I end up trusting too easily, which invariably happens any time I ignore my better, logical judgement. Instead, each time, I choose to believe that this will be the time that voice in my heart will be right and the one in my head is wrong. It never is. I'm tired of caring, tired of trusting, tired of hurting, and just plain tired.

7 comments:

kelly said...

Karen, really sorry to see that you are feeling that way. I would hate to think that you stopped trusting and caring. I can understand what you are saying and its very easy for someone like me to say, "don't give up it will get better etc"..but i don't want to be patronizing....just wishing you well and hoping that things improve

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm sorry, Karen. People really suck sometimes. I wish you peace of mind.

Sniffy said...

Aye, it's a pile of doo doo at times, but you've got to get hurt to eventually find the ones that you know you can trust. There's nothing foolish in that. Foolish is hiding yourself away from life; I found this out myself. I got hurt badly, but learned from it. I could've hidden away again, but found myself opening up and finding the most wonderful person in the world (for me). I could still be hurt again, but that's life I suppose. At least I have now been true to myself and the people I know and care about know all about me, which was never really possible before.

Sniffy said...

You need soup, btw. I was watching Nigella Bites on cable earlier - the comfort food episode. Chicken soup with dumplings followed by a good helping of chocolate cake.

kelly said...

hmm sniffy...will apple pie do?

Tanya said...

Chin up, kid... not everyone is an ice weasel.

* (asterisk) said...

I've come to this a bit late, I fear, but not everyone's a dick. Hope you're feeling better today. I'll check out your more recent posts...

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