A Nutty Conspiracy Theory

Monday, March 05, 2007
That's it. The final straw - those furry little rodents are trying to take over the world. Suddenly they're all over the news! Either that, or someone's messing with my head, knowing how much squirrels freak me out. Sure, they're cute with their cheeks full of nuts and their long swishy tails. But when you wake up one morning to a scratching at the back door and you open it to find a couple of them hanging off the screen with evil in their eyes and blood dripping from their claws**, you catch on pretty quickly.

It seems they've become such a menace in Santa Monica's Palisades Park, officials have decided to start injecting each of them with the rodent equivalent of Depo Provera. That's right folks. California squirrels are apparently breeding like rabbits so the powers that be have determined the best course of action is Squirrel Birth Control. That could be difficult - you'd have to have really tiny instruments and make sure that you get each of them (personally they all look the same to me but I'm not racist when it comes to squirrels - I dislike all of them equally). What about leaving some squirrel size condoms in spots known to be squirrel "hot spots"? The question would then become ribbed or not?



**Okay, the blood is a bit of an exaggeration - the giant black Ontario squirrels hanging off the screen door first thing in the morning are not. But it was my father's fault. There's a reason they tell you "not to feed the animals"...

5 comments:

kelly said...

awww poor karen is afraid of squirrels?...haaa haaa haa

Tanya said...

Watch out for the Zombie squirrels. Seriously.

Candy Minx said...

I like the squirrels but they are kind of spoiled in Ontario. I usedto feed them until they all ganged up on me.

In Chicago...it's bunnies instead of squirellels strange. Rabbits all over the place in the nice weather, just like squirells.

Um, I meant to tell you...one night around midnight...I was walking from the huge mall...which was right by my dads hospital...getting coffee or something, and I saw the most beautiful rabbits. It was huge and white with pale grey ears and was hopping in the piles of snow outside the parking lots of the mall. Then I saw a few more. So beautiful, but I didn't get my camera out in time.

Gardenia said...

I've been following the squirrel birth control stories in the news, mainly because it is a relief from wondering what in the heck happened to Anna and her boy, and who the U.S. is going to "shock and awe" next, and all the murders going down. But you can bet the next issue will be squirrels with banners parading for "right to life." So what should be done if one accidentally gets pregnant? Forced abortion? Huh, has anyone thought THAT through? Seriously, your post made me laugh!

Depo-Provera Prescription Information said...

My name is Janice Still and i would like to show you my personal experience with Depo-Provera.

I am 24 years old. I have been on Depo for 9 years and did not realize that the symptoms I experienced might be related to the shot. I am now facing thousands of dollars in dental work due to bone density loss, and will probably end up with osteoporosis. I am getting off Depo and will never touch it again!

I have experienced some of these side effects-
Low libido, joint pain, bone density loss, dental problems, headaches, fatigue, out of control eating, gained 40 lbs., depression

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Janice Still

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