The Clean and Jerk

Thursday, April 19, 2007
No, despite the title, this post is not about weightlifting. It’s about men and the “discreet” way many of them try to … um … adjust … their bits. As usual, this morning Leather Man got onto the same bus as I and while there were a few seats available he chose (again, as usual) to stand at the back door. Having been the first at our stop to get on the bus (woo hoo!) I took one of the bench seats facing sideways so that it looked out the back door. Needless to say, this provided me with an eyelevel view of Leather’s backside. Thank goodness he wears a long coat. We were just entering the main part of downtown when he appeared to reach down and move things around. You know…down there. Granted, I only received the back view of this action but it was pretty obvious. The wide-legged knee bend, the hand moving in and down towards the centre of his body, the rustle of the pants. Oh yes, dear readers, an adjustment had just been made.

That little incident instantly brought to mind images of Vincent Cassel in Les Rivieres Pourpres (The Crimson Rivers). There are two very obvious times where he reaches down and shifts his bits. He doesn’t even try to hide it. And they didn’t redo the scenes or edit those clips out. I began to wonder - What is this obsession men have with their meat and two veg? Now, before I get a number of testosterone laden emails/comments, I freely admit that I do not have a penis. Nor do I have ready access to someone in possession of their own, as I’m single. And my first hand knowledge of the aforementioned organ is somewhat limited compared to some. I understand, though, that, unlike breasts, a penis is more apt to move around inside the garments encasing it. Bras are meant to hold our bosoms in place, with as little jiggling as possible. Briefs, boxers, jockeys, man-thongs, etc, are really not designed with the same support in mind. I’m not saying that your wankers stay where you put them when you get dressed and then never move again. Not at all. However, I’m curious as to why you’re not a bit more discreet when you try to put them back or give them a little scratch if you’ve got an itch.

You would NEVER see a woman reach down and start scratching away at her hoo-hoo in public. Ok, maybe you would but those are the women I’d recommend you avoid. It’s just not done. Sure, everyone needs to de-wedgify their underpants every now and again, or pull up a bra strap once in a while. Perhaps it’s impossible to understand without actually owning the equipment in question. Who knows. All that I’m asking is that if you feel the need to give your little fella a tug, rub, squeeze, pet, pat, or just move him to a new location, you retire to the men’s room, a closest or do so behind the safety of your desk or inside your cubicle. Despite what you might believe, you’re not impressing anyone and, unless you’re Tom Jones, we don’t think that you’re having to shift it because it’s just sooo big.


Wandering Coyote said...

Great, funny post, Karen. I don't get it, either, but I do hope someone (a male in the know) leaves a comment here explaining it all.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Firstly, I love your label!

And I actually think that I can somewhat sympathize with the boys, as I know that at times (like if I've had to break into a run or reach way up high for something) the girls can get dislodged. And it is darned uncomfortable until they get safely ensconced into their nests again.

Perhaps it's the same with the lads. Maybe his meat had been irritating him for 20 minutes and then he just couldn't stand the discomfort any longer.

kelly said...

sometimes just gotta adjust

Fearless said...

Sometimes it is about discomfort and there is no time like the present to take care of the problem. However, have you ever thought that perhaps men do this in public in order to draw attention to that area of the body? As sort of a non verbal "How YOU doin?"

* (asterisk) said...

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. That said, discretion is nice.

Jvp said...

hi! i saw the film crimson rivers and i was wondering what part vincent cassel shifted his bits. Thanks.

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