Wedges and Wings

Saturday, October 20, 2007
Saturday television sucks. I have no life so I decided to spend the day cleaning up the apartment, relaxing, and avoiding getting dressed. Flipping through the channels, I came across one of those eating competitions on Spike TV. Tonight's challenge? Potato wedges, followed by a rematch between Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobyashi to be settled over a plate of blazin' hot wings. Apparently their rivarly is huge... whatever. I managed to make it through the wedge competition and let me tell you - it was nauseating. Contestants were mashing their wedges, dipping them in water, creating a dough like paste and then washing this down in balls like giant horse pills. A couple came close to puking but managed to hold off. I don't know if I can make it through the faceoff over the wings...

What really killed me was how seriously this is taken. The show was set up just like any other major "sporting" event: interviews with players, expert panelists discussing strategy, and, of course, the injuries. What's that? You didn't think professional eaters get injured? It's not just football players landing on their heads or baseball players getting beaned in the nuts with a fastball. Apparently people have broken off (and swallowed!) their teeth, strained their jaw muscles, and probably the most common injury - bitten fingers. And indigestion, naturally. I'm guessing Pepto Bismol is a HUGE sponsor.

The highlight of the show for me? The appearance of Tim Janus, Eater X, complete with idiotic face paint a la Ultimate warrior. You might remember, he won the World Burrito Eating Championships a few months ago. I also discovered that alongside the hotwings, ribs, hotdogs, and miniburgers, there are contests for birthday cake and deepfried asparagus eating. Gotta get all yer food groups in there don't 'cha? One last thing: best line of the whole show?

"And there you have it folks, the Four Horseman of the Esophagus".


Avid Andy said...

the Four Horseman of the Esophagus

that's funny

Wandering Coyote said...

Ugh. This is so disgusting - and wasteful in this world where so many go without.

Because I'm investing time in so many shows, I take Friday and Saturday off from TV watching (although I watched the premiere of the Women's Murder Club on Friday night - not that great, so I won't be adding it to my roster) and either read or watch something I've downloaded. Right now, I have a bunch of stuff on DVD that I have yet to watch, but my inter library loans are due on Tuesday so I'm going to be reading like a mad woman to get Life Along the Silk Road done.

SME said...

That. Is vile. And sooo wasteful. I know I'll sound like Debbie Downer here, but we make a game out of eating food we don't want while people waste away? Pretty sick. (deep-fried asparagus?! That's just wrong, too...)

I admit "4 Horseman of the Esophagus" is really funny, tho.

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