Mmmmm, Stirrups

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
That’s the way I like to spend my mornings. As long as it’s not at the doctor’s office. Alas, it was THAT time again and at my GP’s office is exactly where I found myself bright and early this morning.

I made the mistake at my last appointment to ask for a refill on the Rx for my birth control pills. This led Dr. Knight Rider (long story…no he doesn’t look like the Hoff) to search his records and discovered in the 6 or so years I’ve been seeing him, I’ve never had a full physical. Why’s that he had asked? I looked away and mumbled “dunno” as I tried to read the titles of the books on the shelf. Well, turns out he felt I should be poked and prodded before he’d give me a refill. Crap. Oh yes, I said that out loud in his exam room. And that’s how I ended up there this morning. I could avoid it no longer.

Thinking back, it was at least 8 years since I had my last physical and probably 8 years before that when I had my first. Yep, 35 years old and I’ve only had 2 (now 3) in my life. I’m great at avoidance. After being weighed, height measured, and blood pressure taken, it was time. I stripped down to my skull socks and body art, wrapped my bulk in a thin blue paper gown, draped a paper sheet across my lap, hopped up on the table and waited. That’s when the sweating began. Which was strange because I didn’t feel nervous. But sure enough, the sweating started. And those gowns, being made of paper, apparently soak up the sweat as does the paper covering on the table which surprisingly doesn’t cover the entire width of the table so your naked thighs and buttocks end up sticking to the uncovered parts which makes “scooting down” so that your butt is on the very edge a tad difficult.

It never fails. Every time I see my doc, we end up talking tattoos. I think he secretly wants one of his own but is a bit nervous to go for it. This time around we discussed my parents’ reaction to the first one, my stepmother’s outing me with the big leg piece (or was it the back) during one of dad’s chemo sessions (I’m sure he was really up for that). I admitted I’m addicted and would have a lot more if I had the money. Hmmm, the doc’s kinda cute … wonder if he’s single? Doctors make a lot of money, right? Moving on. To lighten the mood, I made my usual stupid jokes (wow it sounds hollow when you stick that thing in my ear, my brother is super phlegmy whereas I’m only mildly phlegmy, etc) and he got a huge kick out of them.

There was much poking, prodding, listening, more poking, lifting of gowns, lowering of gowns, a little more poking…you get the idea. All in all it went by quite quickly and wasn’t nearly as traumatic as one might expect. Somehow guys seem to have it easier….a quick fondle, a cough, a jiggle, and away they go. Essentially, I’m doing well although we decided that it was ok to go off of the birth control meds. I argued that since I was 35 (ie: getting up there in age…he raised his eyebrows at that one, he’s always telling me how young I am), not getting any, and I didn’t know if it was really making any difference in regards to the pain from my ovarian cysts, I preferred to let my body function naturally. He totally agreed and said no problemo. No argument…he’s good that way.

I still have to go for some lab work, which means fasting as we’re checking my cholesterol, blood sugars, etc. which in turn means I have to pee in a cup but there’s no rush. Blood pressure is fine, no comment on my weight (although I think I should lose a few pounds), ears clear, eyes good, breathing good, tattoos awesome.

Essentially, the Cap’n is fine and has survived yet another adventure.


Red said...

I came off the Pill once in 20 years, and within days my face had become like the surface of the moon, all pussy boils and festering, throbbing spots. I could become a nun, but I would still take my trusted Microgynon, if only to keep my skin somewhat clear.

Doctor sounds like he's flirting with you, missy!

Gardenia said...

Ha, my daughter's doctor boyfriend was also fascinated with her tattoos. I wonder how many wanna be tatted docs there are? Yeh, doc does sound flirty - I agree with Red. Which I don't think I could handle with my you-know-what up in the air. I gotta go do this too and the breast exam, yaaghhhh - don't wanna. I guess its routine to the doc - but I just hate it. I too had to get off the girlie hormone - because of blood. If you can, its good to not mess with it.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm glad that it wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be, and I really hope that you'll get an annual physical from now on. My SIL missed her physical one year and subsequently missed an early detection of cervical cancer. Please don't do that to yourself.

kelly said...

guys have it easy?????...ahem prostate does not agree with that

sp said...

Always good to get the full physical over with isn't it?

Good to hear you ditched the pill. After having tried every bc pill invented, I finally convinced my doctor it might be a good idea for me to scrap the idea all together. I never felt better than when I went off it.

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