Interviews of the Not So Rich and Famous - Ep13 - Yer Captain

Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Avast me hearties! Tis the time when ye get yer revenge on yer captain! Actually, its just the chance for you to ask me whatever you want. And you really came through with some great questions! Thanks to everyone who took part in the Interviews of the Not So Rich and Famous series. It's been a blast. Now, raise anchor, hoist the main sail, and get ready for some adventure!

1. Other than two weeks with Tom Jones locked in your cellar, what would be your ideal holiday? (Alun)
‘Tis nothing better than the thought of Tom Jones below me decks. Um…wait. That just sounds dirty.

2. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked? (*Asterisk)
We ate them. Me crew and I, we likes ‘em spicey.

3. Captain Jack Sparrow: sexy swash-buckler or marauding moron? (Wandering Coyote)
To look at, me fellow Cap’n is one hot hunk of man meat but when he opens his mouth…arrrggghhh! To quote Tanya Espanya, he sounds like bilge pump sucking barnacle. If the Swiftsure were to capture him in battle, yer captain would keeps him around for some much needed eye candy. Me crew is a bit on the questionable side after that last bout of the scurvy. I tolds ‘em to suck lemons but they thought I was just being flirty again. The minute he starts spouting off though, he be walking the plank.

4. If the Swiftsure was in drydock for repairs, would you prefer to live on the Sloop John B or the Queen Mary (and why?) (Mr. Anchovy)
A captain is only at home when he’s snug in his or ‘er own berth. I’d sleep on the shore and risk getting sand in me knickers before I’d step foot aboard either vessel. Unless of course I was taking ‘em as a prize and then I’d be the first into their holds…Captains gets first dibs on all the treasure thar be.

5. Do you ever get seasick sailing across blogland in that big ship of yours? (Red)
Aye, I do but I can’t admit that or me crew would mutiny.

6. Apart from Montreal, which NHL team has the best sense of style? Should the Coyotes be expelled from the NHL for getting rid of their daring multi-coloured strip? (Alun)
Hockey shouldn’t be allowed to be played in climates that don’t get snow during at least 4 months of the year. As for style, I have to give props to Toronto. Stop yer booing, land lubbers! Let’s face it – their jerseys are simple but classic. And they don’t have any odd shades of puke green, fluorescent orange, or hideous porn-purple. They still suck but their jerseys are wicked awesome.

7. Better Canadian: Wayne Gretzky or the late Margaret Trudeau? (Dr. Monkey)
Gretzky may be the “Great One” but dear old Maggie knew how to party. Need I say more? Wink wink, nudge nudge, knows what I mean?

8. You need crew for your next exciting adventure, this time a quick raiding trip down the Bow River. You're on a tight budget, however. You know you need someone who can cook a decent meal out of canned beans and salted cod, but you also need someone who can repair sails, cast anchors, and ideally be able to swim. Which is more important and why? (Wandering Coyote)
ARRRGH I must be attacking Calgary…. Best looks out for them thar flames, fire be deadly for a wooden hull. As all good Prairie Pirates know, Calgary is famous for its beef and pancake breakfasts therefore, me and me crew don’t be needing no steward to cooks any of me meals. Plus, that thar salted cod be murder on me blood pressure. Last thing me needs now is for me ship’s physician to get on me case … yet again. I’ll take a good deck hand who don’t mind climbing the rigging (heights does me head in) any day.

9. If the Swiftsure should crash into a desert island, and you could save 5 books from the ship's library, what would they be? (Mr. Anchovy)
Blast! Only 5 books? How’s a captain to survive with only 5 measly books? Arrrggggh! If ye has to pose limits on me reading, I guess I’ll have to abide. Here goes: Crime and Punishment (despite the crappy feel-good ending); Don Quixote; The Count of Monte Cristo; To Rule the Waves (so I knows how to take over the oceans); and something I’ve never read before. I’m ignoring the fact that some land lubber thinks me crew is inept and can’t sail me ship without crashing into some tiny island…

10. You've just been granted a month off work and an unlimited budget to go on a fact-finding mission (but really just to do some travel). Where do you go and what do you hope to experience? (Barb the Bad Tempered Zombie)
Considering me work is traveling the seven seas, pillaging and plundering (we don’t go in for none of that raping business on my ship, lass!), I’d take that month, head home to me home away from ship and settle down with me kittens for a few weeks. I’d just be getting me land legs back when I’d be heading back to sea once more. Like a damn telemarketer, it always calls the Captain just when I be finally comfy.

11. Is there anything that peanut sauce, coconut, or a smile won't make better? (Dr. Monkey)
So, you’re saying that George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Osama bin Laden just need to sit down and share a curry? Groovy. Someone needs to phone the White House.

12. If you were going to get a backpiece tattoo tomorrow, what would it be and why? (* Asterisk)
Avast! The Captain’s been mulling this very subject over for many a voyage. I went through a stage when I wanted to put me ancestors from the pirate side of the family on the back of me shoulders; then there was this, after I done read a great deal on the lush lands of Mexico…plenty of gold in them thar hills. Me thinks I’d get one of the crew to enlarge the piece above me sweet arse so it grows up me back although I toy with the idea of immortalizing me-self in one of them thar pin-up girlie things, dressed in me finest gear and flashing me sea-going ta-tas.

13. Whenever I watch Criminal Minds and I see the lovely Penelope Garcia, I think to myself, "I bet that's what the Captain is like, personality-wise." How wrong (or how right) am I in thinking that? (Red)
We don’t get no reception on our telly box when we be at sea, only in the friendliest of ports. Mostly we watch pirate movies (we loves us some Errol Flynn) and read. Such an exciting life we live.

14. Would you rather be able to fly or have the power of invisibility? (Barb the Bad Tempered Zombie)
Arrrgh! That be a tough choice, ye scurvy dog! I’m a famous captain, why can’t I have both? Mind you, if I could fly I wouldn’t need to go to sea. That’s just not right. I guess I’d go with being ghost-like. Then I could be spying on me crew and see what they be saying about me.


Wandering Coyote said...

Umm..."the late Margaret Trudeau?" Did I miss something...?

That tat design you linked to is very cool. After my next piece (when I can afford it...hopefully within the next 5 years...) which I'd like to be Haida, I'd like to do something Greek or Egyptian.

Captain Karen said...

Ah, Coyote is correct. Maggie is still alive. Oh well, I'd still rather party with her than hang out with Wayne.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahaha I had to go google Margaret Trudeau right away when I read that as well, as I thought maybe I had missed something.

You sure know how to answer some questions! No wonder you're the captain.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Oh crap, I didn't know Margaret was still alive. I meant no harm Captain, please don't flog me too hard.

* (asterisk) said...

Heehee. Some good Qs & As there, Cap'n, though you have to rectify the Criminal Minds problem. Like the buxom pirate woman tattoo idea. I was nearly gonna have an Anubis tattoo many many years ago. Gotta love that Egyptiana!

Captain Karen said...

I must confess *A that I have never seen Criminal Minds. However, if Red's comparing her to me, I can only assume she's a buxom redhead with a streak of sass a mile wide. Note that was SASS and not ASS. Thank you very much.

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