Interviews of the Not So Rich and Famous - Ep6 - Red

Tuesday, April 01, 2008
She's deadly at Scrabble, makes killer pasta, and has a razor sharp wit...She's fabulous, she's Italian, and she's our next lovely guest aboard the Swiftsure. One had slapping against the other makes a great sound, give a great big Piratey welcome to .... RED!

1. Name, hair colour, natural hair colour.
Red; chestnutty red; definitely not red.

2. The first words I learned in Italian were some pretty offensive swear words and phrases. What were the first few words you learned in English?

Something reasonably benign... probably along the lines of "What time is it, please, fucktard?"

3. I always thought Santa was so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. What's the real reason?
It's because, being permanently drunk, he's in denial.

4. If you were a mountain, which of the seven summits would you be and why? How do you feel about so many people climbing all over you?
I would be either K2, so I could shake a few of those people climbing over me off, or Annapurna, because it's got a funny name.I've just looked it up, and apparently neither of those is one of the Seven Summits. I'll go for Kilimanjaro, then, because people say it's easy. And so am I! (Rimshot)

5. What is your favourite thing about living in the UK (please don't say Full English...the people who read this blog have such dirty minds)?
On the rare occasions I see it at work, English humour. And English quirkiness. Things like this address plate, for example.

6. What was the first blog package you ever received, where in the world did it come from, and what was in it?
I believe the first blog package came from the glamorous Candy Minx all the way from Chicago, IL. It contained an inflatable life-size Jeff Probst doll and several episodes of Survivor on video. (Okay, so maybe some of that is wishful thinking...)

Editor's note: Mmmmm, Probst...

7. What are the best things in life and why are all of them red?
Strawberries, Washington apples, sanguinello-orange juice, my bedroom and me. Because red rulez-z-z-z-z.

8. Here's a musical question for you :-) Put together the most bitchen' rock band ever....using only important people in the history of the world. Who would they be, what would they play and why did you choose those specific people (yes I know, It requires a bit of an in-depth answer)?
This is too damn difficult. All I could come up with was the lead singer, and that would be Antonio Meucci, because -- as the man who invented the telephone then got screwed over for not being able to raise the funds for a patent -- his voice deserves to be heard.

9. Worst concert ever (excluding Rufus).
Manic Street Preachers at Royal Albert Hall. It was full of minor rock and TV stars (Kylie Minoogue, that ugly dude from The Lightning Seeds, people from EastEnders) congratulating themselves on having finally discovered the Manics and talking throughout the performance. (The dude from The Lightning Seeds was right behind us and he talked incessantly.)

10. It's dinner time at Chez AsteRed and I'm hungry! What would you make for me?
On the menu tonight is pasta alla Norma, with tomato sauce, aubergines (or do you call them eggplants?), mozzarella and basil. However, if you were really here to eat with us, I would ask you for a detailed list of foodstuffs that you like and dislike and try to prepare something that's more up your street. 'Cos I'm nice like that.

11. If you could star alongside the fabulous (and sexy) Gene Kelly in one of his movie musicals, which would it be and what would be your favourite dance sequence?
"Good Morning" from Singin' in the Rain: fun, friends, dancing and athleticism all rolled into one. Plus, I've always wanted to do that shit with the sofa... you know, where you stand on its back and shift its weight, knocking it on to the floor. I've always been too chicken to try it, but if Gene was holding my hand, I'd have no fear.

12. Is it a rock lobster or Iraq lobster?
Is there a secret option number three?

13. You recently went a few rounds with the poultry pox. How did you manage to pass the time while recooperating?

Hello, my name is Red and I'm a compulsive worrier. I spent many leisurely hours worrying about the people who might have inadvertently contracted the pox from me. "Oh my God... I went to that busy seaside café the day before the spots started showing! Oh no, I went to the shops! Oh no, I went to the movies, too!" Basically, I sat there and worried about infecting a large swathe of the local population... I really know how to kick back and relax, eh?

14. What was the cheesiest thing your hubby (*Asterisk) did for you while you were dating?
There was no cheese that I can think of.

15. If animals ruled the world, which species would be top dog?
Felines are already ruling us with an iron paw, and that's just fine by me.


* (asterisk) said...

Ohhh, I knew her before she was Not So Rich And Famous...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I concur fully with answer #15!

Martha Elaine Belden said...

far and away one of the best interviews i've ever read.

bravo, ladies (or is it brava?)

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