Thursday, June 12, 2008
I’ve been a movie-watching machine this week. Next on the list of movies to review was the Tom Cruise flick Collateral. Yes, I know, I despise Tom Cruise, his freaky Scientology religion, and, frankly, just about everything about him. I don’t know how this ended up on my list or why I watched it. However, it arrived in the mailbox and since the hockey season is over, I popped it into the DVD player and settled in to be disappointed.

And I was…sort of. As expected, Tom Cruise as a crazy assassin was just a joke. His suit was ill fitting (seriously, we’re talking flood pants), he looked uncomfortable, and I just don’t buy it. Yes, he’s an insane, couch jumping whack job but Tom Cruise having a job whacking people? Nope, I don’t buy it. Could there be a worst cast role in movie history? I dare you to find me one. Mark Ruffalo as a cop undercover in the seedy drug world of Los Angeles? Ha ha ha….what was up with that earring? Jada Pinkett Smith as a lawyer? Ok, maybe but she was hardly in the movie to bother mentioning. The only even remotely passable performance was by Jamie Foxx who played the cab driver being taken for a murderous ride. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying his performance was GOOD, it was just the shiny steaming coil of feces on top of the big heaping pile of crap that made up the cast of this film. Ugh.

What’s that? You’re confused as to what I’m talking about? Oh, sorry! I forgot to mention the plot which is quite surprising as I found the story itself to be pretty interesting (which is why I watched the whole film). Max is a cab driver with big dreams. One day he’s hoping to start his own limo company, catering to the rich and famous in La-La Land. He picks up Annie, a county prosecutor stressed out over her next big case. She sees something special (probably his hot bod) in Max and gives him her card, hoping he’ll call her. Later the same night, he picks up Vincent who claims to be a businessman in town for an important meeting and who convinces Max to drive him around to various meetings throughout the night, making it financially worth his while. As he’s been struggling to save enough to start up his business, Max takes the offer. Things go horribly wrong at the first stop when a dead body drops on top of the cab as Max waits outside for Vincent to return from his meeting. Turns out, Vincent is in town on business…serious business. He’s been hired by a drug lord to bump off a number of witnesses who are about to testify against him in a case being led by none other than the lawyer Max picked up earlier that same night. Forced to shuttle Vincent from crime scene to crime scene, Max struggles to make an escape and save the girl before it’s too late.

Not bad, eh? Ok, so maybe I’m not the best storyteller but you get the idea. The premise of the story is actually pretty good. It could have been a really enjoyable movie if they had cast people who could actually have pulled off the roles they were given. Even amongst other Tom Cruise films this one rates pretty low, despite the story. Sadly, the little movie that could have been…wasn’t.

SKIP IT until someone decides to make a remake 10 years from now.

Other movie news, I also tried to watch The Queen with Helen Mirren. I lasted up until Diana died and then left the Admiral to watch it on her own. Casting Mirren was a great choice but to be honest, the movie was boring. I know lots of folks out there really enjoyed it but I just couldn’t struggle through.

And the Canadian government has introduced a bill which is supposed to tackle illegal downloading and piracy, however, critics are saying there’s a number of problems with the bill. Hmmm, it’ll be interesting to see how this pans out.


Red said...

You know... I don't remember the first thing about Collateral. I recall thinking that it was better than I expected, but I'll be damned if I can tell you how or why. Even the plot doesn't ring a bell.

I think you'd have to pay me to make me sit through another Michael Mann film. (Though I'm sure I uttered these exact same words after sitting through that looooong pile of dross that was Heat.)

mister anchovy said...

Good review, Karen. I recall watching this film, thinking that if the acting wasn't so horrible, maybe it would be OK.

Gardenia said...

LOL, Tom Cruise reminds me of the handsome kid from high school who couldn't quit combing his hair and sneaking looks in the mirror. I don't hold his religion against him, although anyone I've known that has gotten into that has turned pretty wierd, but he's going to have to make some changes to lose his pretty boy turned wacko image.

Candy Minx said...

Love Michael Mann...he is a gorgeous cinematographer...a film makers film maker.

Thought the acting was superb and Jamie Foxx rocked the house.

Great premise, good story...what else do you expect in a movie ha ha!

You guys are all cynical!

What happened did you all wake up one day and someone told you there wasn't a Santa?

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