Steven Seagal is...The Lawman

Saturday, November 21, 2009
We're all aware of Captain Karen's serious addiction to reality programming. I fear it's about to sink to an all new level of low. You see, A&E has been taunting and teasing me for the past few weeks with commercials of a new show starting next month during the breaks in The Last 48, Cold Case Files, American Justice and Dog the Bounty Hunter. What could possibly have me so excited? Yes, it's naturally another true crime program and it stars an action-adventure Hollywood icon. The show is Steven Seagal Lawman. According to the show's website, in addition to making movies which have grossed more than $2 billion (um....hmmmm....), he's been an deputy in Louisiana for twenty years.

Why are you laughing? Come on. Stop it. I'm serious. It's not that funny! Hey! There's no reason to say those kind of things!!! Mr. Seagal is "considered to be in the same class of action hero as Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger." Okay, now I'm the one who's laughing. You're right, it is pretty freaking funny, isn't it? Granted, Seagal has been making movies for years; however he is, at best, a b-list actor. And, if we're going to be truly honest, I think that might even be a bit generous. I don't know what it is: the ponytail, the squinty eyes, the whisper-like voice. It all smacks of someone who's trying to hard. Maybe that's natural and the way he is in real life but it always seemed force whenever I had to sit through one of his films (and yes, I've seen more than one). That's the difference between Seagal and someone like Stallone or Schwarzenegger (is it a requirement for action stars to have their last names start with S?): you can believe them in the rolls they chose to play (ok, maybe not ALL their films but definately their best known and most successful). I hope you don't think I'm a super big fan of either of them though...I'm not...honest....no, really...

Despite all this, or perhaps because of it, I'm intrigued to see what Steven Seagal Lawman is going to be like. Just picture it. You're whipping down the highway, a little bit over the speed limit, when suddenly you get pulled over. The police officer walks up to the door and asks for your licence and registration. You pass it out the window and notice the officer is actually the star of that cheesy straight-to-video movie your boyfriend made you sit through last weekend. WTF? What's next? Britney Spears, family court judge? Hold on. I believe it's scheduled for Bravo Television's spring lineup.

This is going to be hilarious. Steven Seagal Lawman begins Wednesday December 2, 2009. Make sure to check your local listings.

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