Fat and Friendless ... but Free

Thursday, November 03, 2011
Tonight was my weekly weigh-in.  Last week, I lost almost a pound which I was pretty happy about.  This week?  I gained it back again. However, considering the week I had, I'm thinking that's pretty good.  It started off with a snack/treat Halloween potluck that I helped organize.  I told myself I'd just have a few veggies and a bit of pita and tzatziki.  This ballooned into a cookie, a square, a cupcake, a couple of taco chips and salsa and some cheese and crackers.  All after having stopped at the McD's drivethrough at lunch with a coworker where I picked up some fries (small fries but still...). 

Tuesday was lunch with a couple of former coworkers at Red Robin.  Gawd how I love their Blackened Chicken Burger with Fries.  However, trying to be a good girl, I made myself choose either fries or a soft drink.  I wanted the drink more so I ordered the side salad instead.  To my surprise, I LOVED it.  Yes, I've had salad before but it was the combination that was so great.  I finished it all and didn't have the heavy sluggish feeling I normally walk away with after a trip there.  And that lighter feeling continued into the afternoon - I didn't go into a carb coma around 2ish like I normally would have.  See London?  Smart choices are SMART for a reason.  Duh!

Wednesday?  I had made pasta for lunch (tomato sauce with veggies and farfalle, my favourite shape!) but while out for a break, I was lured by the sweet smells of teriyaki and grabbed a small stir fry and rice.  Dang nabbit.  It tasted divine but was so incredibly salty that I felt myself shrivelling up while I was eating it.  Needless to say, I'm sure my body is retaining a ton of water today (yeah, that's the REAL reason for my gain this week...).

I'm definately an emotional eater and this week was a rollercoaster when it came to my emotional wellbeing.  I'm not going to go into the details but I've had a falling out with two close friends.  Its not the loss of the friendship that's did me in but the circumstances on how the whole thing came about.  After a somewhat snarky comment on my part (purposefully designed to elicit a response) and the follow up email I was requested to send to one of them in particular, I spent three days waiting for some type of response.  Any response.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zippo.  Needless to say it re-enforced my realization that I was at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to our so-called friendship. 

I can't say that it makes me sad.  As I said, I had pretty much come to the realization on my own. What hurt though was that (1) they were apparently oblivious to how their slow exclusion of me might upset me, and (2) they didn't consider including me in an event for one of our close friends but expected that I would offer suggestions regarding the event.

Family and coworkers have asked in the last few weeks why I was friends with these two - I only seemed to complain about them.  Sadly, when I looked back upon my relationships with both of them, I realized they were right.  There always seemed to be things about each of them that annoyed me more than the good times we had together made me want to hang out with them.  I wonder if I didn't cut my own ties with them sooner because of my lack of close friends.  I don't mind that I don't have a BFF like I did in high school or a close girlfriend I can call up and chat for hours with about nothing (gawd that annoys me).  For some reason, I felt a need to have someone close that I could call friend and confide in.  Truth be told, I have a great time with my mom (well, MOST of the time).  And my superduper sister in law?  She's an encyclopedia of offbeat knowledge that makes me laugh and am glad to not only call her family but friend as well.  BFFs had their place in high school but I don't need that anymore.  So....I let go. 

And I felt amazingly lighter this week.  Relieved.  Free.  Peaceful.  For the first time in months.

I felt lighter this week but knew that it wasn't going to go well on the scale.  The combination of somewhat out of control eating and the ups and downs of so-called friendships were a recipe for weightloss disaster.  However, I've recommitted myself to staying on track this week and paying attention to what I'm putting in my mouth.  Michael Pollan was on The Colbert Report last night and he said something that stuck with me. 

If you're not hungry enough to eat an apple, you're not hungry.

6 comments:

S.M. Elliott said...

Well, there's something to be said for a clean break. Friendships that aren't friendly enough are rarely worth the trouble.

mister anchovy said...

The way I see it, your real friends stick with you and bend with the breeze putting up with you from time to time. Same the other way too.

Maren said...

It takes a lot of strength to admit when a friendship has run its course. You are super strong, Miss Karen and I admire your ability to take these challenges head on! I think you're awesome :)

Ben Ditty said...

I really like apples but not as much as apple flavored candy.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Some friendships just are not worth the work. Making the break was the best move. And there is nothing wrong with having your mom for a bff and confidante!

I was struck by the truth in the apple eating statement and am stealing that for my own mantra. Thanks!

nbrsspot.blogspot.com said...

i am sorry to hear bout the friends but they come and go in your life and these friends dont sound like ones that need to be in your life anyway..

Proud of you for picking yourself back up and dusting yourself off and saying better next time.. Go London..

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