Still a lot of work to do

Wednesday, July 17, 2013
After taking the last two days off to do a whole lot of nothing other than work and knit, I hopped back on the treadmill today.  I originally wanted to go for an early morning ride now that Cherie's back from the shop but the seat's too high and I don't have an allen wrench.  
Still bling-less...  Waiting for her stickers and the basket!
My second attempt at Run1/Walk1 was even better than the first.  Why is it that the R1/W1s seem easier than the R1/W2s?  Don't get me wrong; they're not "easy".  They just seem easier.  I felt fantastic during this run too.  Sure, I was dead tired after I was done (and for the rest of the day) but I felt strong and confident the entire time on the treadmill.  Non-runners might scoff at my 25 minute sessions but we all have to start somewhere, right?  Non-runners, you can suck it.  Today was one of those few times where I felt like a runner.  I could actually see myself eventually attempting running (not walking) a 5K and completing it.  Its so difficult to not jump ahead of oneself and start dreaming of half marathons, medals, great running achievements but I'm trying to keep myself in check.  

When I've run in the past, I would occasionally cry when running.  I don't know if anyone else has done this but its something I experience kinda often.  No, not because I'm in pain or wondering what the hell kind of torture I'm putting myself through.  Its for two reasons:  (1) Its kind of silly but it gets me through; I imagine myself doing something that will make me and my family proud.  For example, finishing the London Marathon (I know, dreaming too far ahead again) or struggling through my first half and seeing my family cheering me on from the sidelines; and (2) proving to myself that I can do it.  Last year, when I had tried running for upteenth time, I cried the first time I ever ran (as an adult) for 3 minutes straight, WHILE I was still running.  And again when I did four minutes.  And then again at five minutes.  

Its little things that don't mean much to someone who hasn't gone through the same things that I have or has struggled with physical and emotional barriers that keep them from accomplishing or even attempting these sort of things.  Sadly, a friend of mine who runs, albeit not competitively, was the first (and only) person to make fun of me when I posted about it on Facebook.  Granted, she makes fun of a lot of things that a lot of people do so it wasn't really surprising but it was obvious that she'd never struggled with running or being able to stick with something.  Because of it, I no longer post things about my re-ignited desire to run on Facebook.  I only told three people about my walking goals when I first started this blog and she wasn't one of them.  Since I switched over to running, I've told no one.  I don't want to risk the possible ridicule or even answer the questions it might raise just yet.

The three people I told about the walking plan?  They are the same three people I will likely tell about the switch to running but I'm not sure when.  One struggles with weight issues just like me and I know she will understand.  The second is a runner and very understanding.  It was a discussion over souvlaki with her that convinced me to take up running again and she had offered, no matter how slow I am, to run with me if I wanted her too.  The third is a longtime runner who's completed triathalons and, I think, a half Ironman.  She's a pretty awesome runner and is very supportive with anything I want to do.  Unfortunately, she's been on vacation so I haven't been able to talk with her but I will eventually. 

This running journey is, for me, very personal.  I'm not doing it to fit in or become one of the cool kids or to prove anything to anyone except myself.  I'm doing it for me.  Its not about losing weight although if that comes along with the sweat, grunts, and sore muscles, great.  Its about becoming healthy.  I have high blood pressure (controlled by medication) and a family history of multiple heart attacks starting as early as age 40 (my current age).  I want to be there when my niece and nephew graduate from college, get married, and have kids.  I want to be that awesome aunt who runs and is active and maybe, one day, my niece can run a race with my aunt and I. (FYI, I  haven't even told my running Aunt that I've started again).

Looking back on this post, I realized I haven't referred to my running as "trying to run" or "trying to become a runner".  This is something I've always done in the past.  No more.  I'm not trying anymore.  I'm doing.

2 comments:

Karen Seal said...

Girl, I think you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to, even a marathon...take it from a girl who thought running longer than 2 miles at a time was ridiculous. In the words of an amazing man, "If you can dream it, you CAN do it!" :0) Great job with your intervals! That's exactly how I started running - 1 minute run, 1 minute walk...and I slowly went up from there. Keep up the awesome work!! :0)

Karen said...

Thanks Karen! I've attempted this in the past but it always seemed like work and I never stuck with it. This time around, I'm really enjoying it. Taking my time, not worrying about pace or comparing myself to anyone else.

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