After feeling downtrodden on Monday, I took Tuesday and Wednesday off and did ... absolutely nothing. Well, obviously I went to work and all that sort of thing but I didn't run, walk, swim, bike, lift weights, or
attempt to twist myself into a pretzel do yoga. I put away the running book I was reading, I avoided Twitter as much as possible, and purged the listings in my feed reader (down to ~25 blogs from 75!). You know what? I felt great for two days. Sure, I was still confused about what I wanted to do or felt I should do. I spent some of my time trying to sort things out and the "break" from all things running-related felt pretty relaxing and as if a weight had been lifted.
Oh yeah, and my bruise went from purple to orange. Is that normal? I get yellow. I get blue. I get purple and I even get black. But orange??? Some folks on Facebook suggested it was because of my freckles; I think they're crazy. The picture below doesn't really do it justice but trust me - it's kinda orange-y.
Last night, I was feeling pretty upbeat about the whole thing; on the whole, quite positive. So, I strapped on the running shoes, squeezed into some spandex, and went to work. It probably wasn't the best idea to get back in the groove by upping my time and doing run2/walk2's but gosh darn it, I was going to give-er. And my legs gave it right back to me. To be fair and honest, given the humming and hawing earlier this week and the crappy run, I should have just stayed at the R1/W1s and saw how I felt. Nope, I was going to progress dammit. I did it. I completed the run (25 minutes - 5 intervals). It wasn't horrible but it was far from the "runners high" I've experienced with my other short runs. It was ... meh. No tears or kicking of the treadmill but there was none of the joy or satisfaction I have been searching for. What it did do for me is reinforce what I've been feeling in terms of running lately.
I've come to the conclusion that I will do whatever I feel like on any particular day. I will run if I feel like running; I will walk if I feel like walking. I know I will never be a ultra marathoning iron woman but that's not what I was looking for anyways. There will be no forcing myself to run in order to ensure I get in my three runs during the week. The whiteboard calendar on my wall which served as a reminder about what to do on what day has been taken down. Seeing it every time I walked out of my room served as a constant reminder that the run scheduled for a particular day was now a obligation, a chore, not a pleasure or something fun to go and do.
Goals, like New Year's Eve resolutions, are constantly in a state of change. I don't feel disappointment about what some might feel as "ditching" the running (yet again); I feel joy (yes, joy!) by being able to really examine what it is I want and not deluding myself by trying to be something others expect me to be.
The desire to be a runner will ALWAYS be there. I can't help myself. There's something about running that strikes a primitive chord deep within me. As such, I'll give in to that desire and declare "I'm going to start running again and will soon have 1/2 marathon medals adorning my walls! Yay me!". Bear with me, will ya? It too will eventually pass. The majority of the posts from here on out will likely be about walking (or biking... Cherie is soooo demanding!). Don't worry though, my running friends, those posts will be peppered with the occasional running session just to keep things interesting. And I'll write about running issues that inspire me to new heights and others that really chap my hide.
To celebrate the return to joy, I headed over to the Running Room to pick up a new pair of shoes. Staring at the neon rainbow wall of shoes, I got excited. My brain lit up, neurons fired all over the place and I began to sweat. Seriously, do they crank the heat in that store or what?! New running shoes. What is it about them that gets the butterflies twirling around in my stomach almost as much as a first kiss?! Say hello to my (not so) little friends (I had to go up to a size 10):
I don't really know why the Running Room tries to convince us that the young kids who work in their shoe departments know any more about running shoes than the average runner/walker but you have to give the sales staff credit for trying. Anyways, first pair I tried on is once again the pair I bought. My second pair of Ascics - the Gel Nimbus 15s. I'm willing to put up with the pink this time around because they're also green. Yay green! It means go ... faster.